«You are my "nothing" when people look at me blankly and ask me: What are you thinking about?» - Pablo Neruda

I totally love the fact that PAUM is a spelling mistake that became music. I fell in love with this little mistake right away and I took care of it, always offering my admiration, time and respect, and always with devotion, love and hope. But no matter what I did, PAUM reminded me that it was a mistake. A beautiful, silent mistake.

If this piece of music I wrote had lyrics, they would be: "The Greatest" by Billie Eilish. But the piece doesn't have lyrics for a simple reason: the more I said, the more silent the mistake was.

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It seems that this piece of music is a gift. A promise to myself, because the best gift a composer can give is his own music. A gift of empathy, of encounters, of humanity. Things I have always wanted. A gift that comes from silence, solitude, hope and pure imagination. A whisper at the minute 01:27. An image of two hands touching each other that night at home, looking at shrimps in the water for the first and last time, making me realize that love can also be scary. 

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I just fell deeply in love, alone, in silence. I wanted us to be happy. That is why I was really excited about going to the cinema, take a walk together in the city he loves, going to the "green bunker," ordering a pizza from home, cooking together. To have him look at me, to see his smile, to feel his presence. Oh, that little mistake, that "dream man". We had such a good time together, on the phone, in the bar, at home... but then all those future plans were suddenly vanished for me. I was just told, but never explained. I could never understand. Was it because he was afraid of commitment? Was it that I was more emotional than rational? Or was it the culture shock? No matter what I did, he reminded me that it was a mistake. 

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Since the first day we met, I have had seventeen butterflies in my stomach, but they are now slowly disappearing, and as a reward we have this piece of music that will stay with us forever. Because, as they say, "When an artist falls in love with you, you can never die."

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It has been a tough journey, one of the most unfair I've ever faced. I mean, I put my heart and soul into everything I did. I did it because it is biologically contradictory to be Latin American and not show what we feel. I treasure every moment of this painful experience. I've learned to honor the people I have loved. It has been a journey, from the sweetest to the hardest, from the most talkative to the most speechless. Yes, I messed up by falling in love with this gorgeous, unpredictable man, but I am learning so much from it. PAUM: "I was absolutely sure, like never before, that you were the one. That is why I gave you all my heart and love from day one. I still wonder why I did it so soon..."

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This musical composition was created as a result of an unresolved emotional situation. It is my hope that its essence resonates with listeners. It is the product of an emotional, albeit brief, romantic narrative. Some refer to it as "Life".

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If I could, I would sit beside him for a while without saying a word.
«I never thought there was so much sadness in happiness.» - Mario Benedetti

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It's important to note that his true identity will always be protected. 
 

Sincerely, 

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Mateo Ojeda

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